I am not me, and you’re not you

maybe only few of you would get what I really mean by the title, not because few are smarter or special then others but more likely because I believe that only few have been through the same experience that lead me to write those words, I am sure of that because if there was more than "few" then otherwise the world wouldn't have been the way it is now.
the title is my best attempt to put into words what I believe is the absolute truth but to many of you, my words may sound like non-sens or even contradictory and that's legit because they are, but since I am quite aware of that then why would I've used them anyway? the answer is that I don't have any other way to share the truth with you other than by using "language" which makes it impossible. I am saying that, few of us have seen how the universe is really is and you'd be astonished to see… to the point that you'd inevitably ask the question "how is it possible no one has told the world about this discovery before?" but you'll end up understanding why by yourself as soon as you try to share what you saw with other people and see yourself fail at each attempt.
I am now convinced that it is impossible for me or anyone else who may had the chance to experience what they believe to be the truth to share it with others and that's all because of our langage, it simply doesn't offer us a way to do it…our vocabulary is too limited and was based on a false interpretation of the world making any statement that describes the truth as irrelevant for our analytical mind, thus each time I try to keep note of my spiritual experiences I end up verbalizing it into contradictory statements like:
-I am not me
-I am free only when I am controlled
-the world is within me
-you and me are the same

after all, think of it, if there was a way to share the truth with words then everyone would have been awaken today. The truth has always been said by many philosophers, traditions ancestors, spiritual guides, awaken people…, in books, manuals, speechs and on every other possible canal of communication, it is us who are not able to understand it because we've always relied on "definitions" while the truth can only be understood through self realization and that's achievable only when you manage to detach from language.
to the few who understands exactly what I mean by my contradictory title, me and you understands each other only because we both have been through the same experience before, it's like two friends chatting about how beautiful Thailand is, if only one of the two hasn't visited Thailand then the one who went there will probably tries to share his travel experience with the one who didn't but no matter how hard he tries, you have to visit Thailand to understand what is like to experience how beautiful it is, in other words, it is possible to share how Thailand is beautiful only to someone who already have knew it through a past experience so whenever two people who both visited thailand start chatting about how Thailand is beautiful they're just recalling their own past experiences rather then sharing, both relates to the conversation making it meaningful for them.
to the many who may think that what I am saying is ambiguous and difficult to read, this is just me trying my best to share with you throughout language what you should absolutely know. I know I am failing to make you understand but my post on reddit might be the reason you engage into a spiritual journey that will lead you to the same conclusion as I and that day you may come back here and say "hmm I understand now",
I am not an awaken person I am still lost into my the illusions my mental creates for me everyday like everybody else, but I believe I've tasted awakening, don't ask me how do I know that because the answer is as irrelevant as "when you taste it you immedialtly know it", It does happen to me very rarely but when I reach a very profound meditative state the world opens to me through a different door, I understand that life as I I always know it is nothing but a big lie and that I am not who I think I am, this happens when you reach stillness and manage to completely ignore your thoughts spontaneously, you reach a state of quiet in which your mental has no more grip on you and that's when you realize that you're not your body, your thoughts, your beliefs, fears…you're something way bigger yet way simpler, you're something that cannot be described and you are only capable of doing one single task which is "observing" or "witnessing", it is not even a task but a nature, you just be, how is that ? when you reach full conciousness you'll be shocked by the fact you're not the one in commands of your body's movements and your brain's thoughts, your body can walk, talk, think very well without you being present, your body is controlled by something else. but your mental makes you believe you are the one who's controlling it because the mental is also not you and he doesn't want you to put your hands on the truth because that would mean his death, the ego death, and you may imagine that it might be frighting to discover that your body moves without your permissions but the reality is that it's quite the opposite, as soon as you realize that YOU're not you, a bliss fills you up, happiness and sadness exists no more, there's something else, something I'll never be able to describe, all I can tell you about is that it is worth more than anything else in this life and if you never find this "something" you'll just be living into a complete illusion until you the day you die. awakening is accepting that all we have to do is just observing, our life is a movie and our body is the main character but it's is not us, we're the spectator, the one who should be watching the movie rather than relating to the main character and thinking/judging his decisions.
all I say here is too irrational for our habitual way of thinking and I myself end up qualifying my own spiritual experiences by "imaginary" as soon as days passes, but I always still have that consciousness that I've awakened since the first time I managed to enter the deep state of meditation, it is that consciousness who knows that I am manipulated by the mental, and as far as that consciousness still lives in you, you can always return to it, sometimes you can expand it for a period of time and come to some very interesting realizations but sometimes (most of the time) it is your mental who wins the fight, an awaken person is someone who managed to transcend his mental and expanded that consciousness from a tiny point to a full state of being.

Difficult to find soulmate

I am a spiritual person, I also believe in God, I've been praying to meet my soulmate for a long time, but until now I still haven't met my soulmate. I was confused, so I pondered, maybe I have an unfinished business that I must complete before meeting with soulmate, but I feel that I don't have an unfinished business, so I'm more confused, can someone help me? is there any meditation that can help me to get the divine sign?

Question, why am I buzzing?

I’ve only begun meditating, however one day I chose to focus on breathing deep and fast. I’ve always known that doing so causes my face to begin buzzing, and that usually scares me into stopping. However I have never done so while meditating. I pushed past the fear of the buzzing in my face and realized that the buzzing is capable of spreading, it feels as if every cell in my body is vibrating intensely. Eventually I was buzzing from head to toe and I felt the most euphoric sensation of Joy and Peace just explode out of me. When I stopped it was a little hard to move with dexterity so I couldn’t grab hold of anything. Any advice or knowledge as to what this is? And has anyone else experienced this?

Distancing

I have been using the Waking Up app (guided meditation) by Sam Harris for a while now. It seems that a recurring theme in this style of meditation (vipassana) is distancing yourself from impulses, thoughts and feelings. It is clear that this can provide you with more control, if you don't let feelings and thoughts run away with you. But then, what is left of you? Who is this observer that observes thoughts and feelings that distinguishes him/her from everyone else?

It worries me sometimes, that this is like taking the red pill and realizing that we are just empty shells, all of us exactly the same. The thoughts and feelings that we observe are different, but it's like two people with disconnected minds watching two different movies. There is no substance to the observers, there are just external pictures and sounds. It seems a little cold.

Thoughts?

A Revolutionary of Mind

To break with the norm means to first start a revolution within your own mind. A true revolutionary is someone who breaks down the rigid power structures and egoic defences within through practising mindfulness and awareness training and through love and compassion.

Meditated today 6/8/2020

Hello everyone,

Meditated today for 30 minutes. Took me a little longer to breathe as deeply as I have in prior sessions, but overall, I feel calmer. One thing I've noticed, when I remark "look at that" when observing my thoughts, the worst thoughts appear as if by command. I tried remarking in a different way, but that felt like running, so I went back to my usual expression. The thoughts eventually subsided, but I wasn't bothered by them, at least not as bothered as I have been in the past. I'm generally as calm as I've been in a while. Anxiety still gets to me, but I'm able to laugh it off for the most part. Anyway, thanks for reading, and have a great day.