So ever since I've started college, I became interested in entrepreneurship. During my sophomore year I started freelancing, and really got into building a brand and business. So I spend my entire sophomore and junior year just being independent to make this into a career. I'm satisfied being alone, and I don't have too many friends with the same passions.
So one day I decide to take a day off, and go clubbing with some friends. In the club I go dancing with this girl, but I guess I danced weird so people started recording me, and laughing. I ignored it, then this same guy harasses me by tapping my shoulder and pushing me, but I'm pretty drunk so I literally can't find the guy. He does it again, but security kicks him out. Anyways, I come out to see a group of 20 people laughing at me. From then on, my anxiety kicked in, I become paranoid everywhere I go. It's affected my business, my relationships with my friends, girlfriend, parents, and roommates. I have a guard everywhere I go now, I can't trust people, and I give off bad impressions making others think that I have a stoic attitude. From then on, It's difficult to smile, and be vulnerable to others.
At some points, I can withstand it, and it's made me stronger. I'm able to fight if people were to say it independently. But majority of the times, it's just activities that others are doing that I'm assuming are attempting to hurt me. So these are merely just thoughts! But there's days where these thoughts cloud my head, and I just can't think straight. I've come to my breaking point where I need to improve myself internally if I want my relationships to improve and my business too.
Sometimes when I'm doing these activities, my guard just goes up, and my body tenses up and goes into fight mode: Someone taking a selfie, laughing at restaurants, talking at movie theaters, large gatherings. I almost feel distant and out of the ordinary everywhere I go.
I'm going to begin with daily 10-min morning meditations right when I get up. Will be focusing on the timing of my inhale and exhale, and we'll see where it goes.
Also, I'd love to hear your story. I know there's others in worse scenarios than me, and I'd like to hear it.