I have been practicing mindfulness from wake to sleep for the past week. Mindfulness is not something new to me, at least not relatively new. I have done daily meditations off and on for the past 3 years.
I suppose "it" clicked about a week ago, before I began doing the 24/7 mindfulness practices. I learned that the mindful state is the state, or plane, above the rest. Above logic, and ego, and desires. Mindfulness is the state of existence, the state at which we began our human journey. The watchful, observant, non-judgmental, understanding and teaching/learning "I".
My perspective has shifted utterly. I see my reactions as learned behavior and instinctual. I observe them, focus on my object, and allow my body to go through what it feels like it needs to go through without allowing the mind to be affected by it – Simply observing it, allowing it to freely subside.
I have been able to see why I become anxious, nervous, angry, insecure. I now see clearly through my experiences and genetics why my body behaves in the ways that it does.
I feel a sense of general detachment, yet extreme understanding and a newly found love, I suppose, within myself.
This has been absolutely life changing in a multitude of aspects just within this week.
I am having trouble enjoying myself, however. I feel that when I want joy or fun, that it is only a craving. And a craving that isn't too necessary, I guess. I am observing myself desire fun, while not necessarily allowing myself the joy of the reaction.
Is this normal? I feel in a strange sense still quite happy and peaceful even though I am having this feeling. Like I can enjoy myself lying in bed just as much, if not more than, playing a video game or doing something that just a week ago I absolutely enjoyed doing.
I feel like I'm putting those things behind me, and it feels right. But I am not a monk and I have to go to work and remain normal in public lol
How do I mix the rat race and living monkfully? This is my current dilemma and I appreciate your feedback.