I’ve been doing meditation every day or every other day for the past year in the morning. Now i had a couple of weeks where I didn’t meditate And then rekindled for the last 2.5 weeks. Everything was going better in life, however last night I went to sleep quite late. Today I had something important to do and woke up very late for it basically (it was an important day in my trading career day trading) It wasn’t so much for me having to wake up early to accomplish what I needed to do but I had alot of other tasks to accomplish prior to an important day in my career (I won’t get into details) getting up late. I was ready to go I set my intention and got moving in my work. Everything went to sh*t literally It was like I was off sync with everything I did and then being frustrated I made a hail mary play and lost everything. everything went reverse to my intention and i needed this to work out today because i had nothing to lose. I was so mad at myself after for rushing it coulda woulda shoulda. Im going to have to start from square one life went against me. This is the issue: For me to get into a truly meditative state I cant clockwatch: However, I notice that It does not take me 10-15 minutes, it takes me at leasr 45-1hr To really get into that state. Now consider this: I have done this every day for the past 2-1/2 weeks upon first waking up. Okay? So One can imagine the anount of dedication I put into it. What frustrates me is why after missing one day of meditation does everything in my life go to shit. It makes no sense to me iv programmed my being to perform synchronize with the universe and its like as soon as I go to sleep and wake up the following day, That (lets call it synchronicity) wears off…. I even asked the higher power to help me today and everything just fell apart. my whole life is already delayed Im constantly late to work because i require that length of meditation in order to Get in the meditative state. Its as if when I fall asleep I lose that awareness the following day if i dont meditate. Now Im stuck working a job I hate its going to take me a long time before i can save enough to do trading again. My trading was a goose egg for me Its something I always wanted to do but you need to have an x anount of money to USE in investments to be a sucessful day trader. I had a tough day today one of the worst days in my life. If I am the universe in other words I am the consciousness behind my body and mind why after years of meditation years of programming intention years of being one does it WEAR OFF if I don’t do it one fucking day (Sorry for the language). Honestly I want to drive into the ocean. It makes no sense to me seems like my body mind this avatar that I am in is simply doomed to fail in life. One day of not meditating can do this: if anyone can imagine how much time i spent meditating each morning and how delayed my life already was and me accepting it and saying f everyone else il do this forst 45-1hr each day…. I lost the girl i loved because of it maybe for the better but. I LOVE MY WORK what i was doing i genuinely love it Its something im fascinated in: Its me. What breaks me is that All it took was one day of not meditating to ruin my life despite all the time everyday i devoted to it. Years 45-60 mins every morning.
Meditation is supposed to be medicinal not dietary. “When you want to cross a river you use a raft to get to the other side but as soon as you get on the other side, you don’t carry the raft with you, you leave it there” ~Alan Watts
Maybe I never got to the other side to begin with. If i look inside I imagine a life of success in doing what i love i want it i seek it Its my true intention Ive laid positivity inside of me. But this feels like a sick joke to me now. this life Im in seems to not want me to fulfill my dreams without spending 45-1hr wach godamn day meditating. Youd think that my being wouldve been more harmonius. Like i said this is simply from observation this is not me Believing this, its what i experienced and looking back at how events unfolded today. Im not seeing it how i want to see it im seeing it for what it is. There is something beyond my mortal mind beyond my consciousness that is dorecting me to a life i dont want to live. And one sleep and my meditation wears off which i cant sustain since it takes me 45-1hr each day to get ibto that state. Ivhad to delay my whole life and all of it was a joke. I clearly did not reach a certain level of that state where some of it was sustainable Withoit having to meditate ecery day. Next 2 weeks Im broke So will be sleeping all day missing out on life because if im awake id prolly go kill myself.
Meditation Dictations 